BACKGROUND.

Been together for seven years this year, married for 6.

I battle agoraphobia - he is a free spirit. At some point the two WOULD no longer be able to survive together and that time - is now.

I am still very much in love with my husband. When i married him i really did think that he'd be able to put his desires to travel to the back of his mind and concentrate on being MY husband. Clearly not happening.

It's not all been plain sailing though. I've suffered A LOT of verbal and mental abuse from him.
At times, he's been horrid to me, but i LOVE him, so i would have given the world for him to love me, like i do him.

We've been living apart since September 2008. We had minimal contact for the first couple of months, but over the last few weeks, i thought that MAYBE he'd come back to me, but an email changed ALL that.

He has a friend, he lives in Australia and is getting married and has asked my husband to be an usher. My husband A) Loves Australia (lived there for a long time) and B) Wants to go back and C) Would love to be an usher for his mate. ALL understandable. However, to achieve this, he is sacrificing his marriage - MY MARRIAGE! He said that if we ever got back together, there is no way he'd be able to go because he wouldn't be able to save the money, therefore, he has to do what is needed to go and that is NEVER COME BACK TO ME and GET A DIVORCE!

This invitation sparked off a whole load of wants and needs in him. He said to me that he is NOT READY to settle down! WTF??? We've been married for years and split up for months - and he's not ready to settle down? Surely he should have considered that before we got married??

I am keeping this diary to keep a track of every-little-emotion and feeling i will be experiencing over the next days/weeks/months.

I hope you'll stick with me. I need LOTS of support right now.
I've never felt so alone in my life.